Posts tagged true story

Today I spent 15 minutes willing a wasp out of my house with my mind. It was all “Ha ha! I’m a fucking wasp! Imma crawl around in your venetian blinds so you can’t get a clear shot at me!!1!” and my daughter is freaking out and telling me to kill it and I’m all “You kill it,” and she’s all “YOU’RE the grown-up!” and I’m all “-_-” and then my nine year old is all “Oh for fuck’s sake (only without saying fuck because he’s not 13 yet) and shook the door back and forth until the wasp smelled the fresh air of freedom and buzzed out.

In other words, I’m a bigger pussy than my nine year old :(